Did I Nail It?

OK, I'm trying to practice what I preach, seeing as I've just posted a two-parter on How good is your opening line? (part 1) & (part 2).

After a lot of agonising, four different beginnings to the WIP, and many rewrites, here's the opening line of my next WIP (draft).

Fear reeked of a pungent bitterness that lingered in the nostrils but Varian wasn’t able to detect even a whiff of it on the gentle breeze.

These are the 3 questions I asked you to consider when reflecting on an opening line.

1. Do the words chosen by the author catch your attention?
2. Does the sentence raise a heap of questions you want answered?
3. Is there any implied conflict in the information given?

Did I succeed?

CRAFT: How good is your opening line? (part 2)

Searching for how to write that good opening line? Well, look no further. Here's a couple of examples and what to look for in your own writing to make sure yours has that "hook the reader" appeal.

Here's an opening line from another Maya Banks novel.

"Do you know of anyone who fulfills sexual fantasies?" Serena James asked.
(SWEET PERSUASION by Maya Banks)

Do the words chosen by the author catch your attention?
There are three that leap out at me. Bet you can pick them. :-)

• fulfills sexual fantasies - lots of curiousity attached to these words
• dialogue - the story starts with it; a great hook as it's active as opposed to narrative which can be passive

Does the sentence raise a heap of questions you want answered? Hell, yeah!

• Why does Serena need someone to fulfill sexual fantasies?
• Is she the one needing her sexual fantasies fulfilled?
• Is she asking for a friend?
• Who's she asking this question of? And why/how would they know someone with this skill?
• Is she in a relationship?
• Is she fed up or left unsatisfied by this relationship?

Is there any implied conflict in the information given?
Again, look at the questions I raised. If she's already in a relationship then what's prompted her to seek out someone who fulfills sexual fantasies? Does she find the relationship, or lack of one, unsatisfying? Assuming she meets this someone, how will she handle that meeting? With confidence? Embarrassment? etc.

My last example comes from a sci-fi romance novel.

Cyn always liked watching women move, but there was nothing sexier than an angry woman moving with purpose.
(BEYOND THE SHADOWS by Jess Granger)

Do the words chosen by the author catch your attention?

• sexier - one of those words that just draws the eye
• angry woman - adjective, noun
• moving with purpose - what an image that conjures up when linked with an angry woman

Does the sentence raise a heap of questions you want answered?

• Why is Cyn watching the woman?
• Why is the woman angry?
• Is there are going to be trouble?
• Did Cyn have something to do with it?
• What else does Cyn like about women?

Is there any implied conflict in the information given?
An angry woman is conflict on two legs, folks. And from the tone implied in the opening sentence, Cyn is probably in trouble of some sort, or he caused it, or he's going to and there's going to a confrontation of some sort. Lots and lots of conflict loaded into this one line.

Check out at these examples and ask yourself are they good opening sentences?

• Travis Jones had come home.
• Joe Smith was smiling.
• His horse, a Black Arab mare whose name he couldn't pronounce, was saddled and waiting, cropping dry grass sprouting on the banks of the wadi.
• The book signing was mobbed.
• Kane sat on the flattest rock in the center of the pool.
• She was wearing red shoes.

If any of these don't quite do it for you then how would you improve them so that they would?

The Goldilocks factor ("it's jusssstttt right") is hard to accomplish first off but with some elbow grease - and a lot of hair pulling, deleting, rewriting, throwing of things, and maybe some judicious analysing of your favourite author's work - you can create a ripper of an opening line that hooks the reader and pulls them into your story.

Now that you've read this post here's some homework for you - analyse your own work using these questions. If you have a good opening line post it in my comments section, I'd love to see it!

CRAFT: How good is your opening line? (part 1)

No, I'm not talking about a pick up line for a date but the opening line of your latest work in progress.

When I realise my WIP has a sucky start, and I get stuck trying to create one, I like to head for my bookshelves and explore. Analysing what other authors have written can sometimes trigger my own creativeness or give me one of those infamous "lightbulb" moments.

But what makes a good opening line? The way I see it you need to ask yourself these three things...

1. Do the words chosen by the author catch your attention?
2. Does the sentence raise a heap of questions you want answered?
3. Is there any implied conflict in the information given?

If you're like me you need some practical examples so let's look at an opening sentence from one of my favourite authors.

Julie Stanford took a deep breath before shoving aside the curtain to walk into the massage room where Nathan was laid out in all his glorious, naked splendor.
(SWEET SEDUCTION by Maya Banks)

Do the words chosen by the author catch your attention?
What words jumped out at you as your read this? For me they were - deep breath, shoving, massage, glorious naked splendor. Why? I'm going to make a list.

• deep breath - this is sensory and implies nervousness or bracing oneself for something
• shoving - a strong verb
• massage - my curiousity is pique
• glorious naked splendor - adjective, adjective, noun

Does the sentence raise a heap of questions you want answered? Absolutely.

• Why is Julie Stanford feeling nervous or feel the need to steel herself?
• Who is Nathan to Julie?
• Do they share a past history?
• Why is Nathan naked and not covered with a towel or pants?
• What sort of massage parlor is this? 

These are enough to draw me on.

Is there any implied conflict in the information given?
You betcha. Just look at the questions I just asked. There's a possible shared history between Julie and Nathan, or something that makes her nervous or apprehensive about this meeting.
Despite her trepidation she's attracted to Nathan when she describes him as being "...in all his glorious, naked splendor." If he'd been butt ugly or repulsive there's no way she'd have used these words to describe that.

So, this meets my criteria for a good opening sentence. It hooks me into wanting to read more.


We'll continue looking at more examples of good opening lines next post.

CRAFT: Attention Grabbing Beginnings (Part 4)

I hope you've been looking at the keepers on your shelf with new eyes, analysing what makes them tick. Besides revisiting some great books it's a great exercise in analysing what works, what makes them so riveting.

The last couple of keepers come from Sydney Croft (a new author on my "to keep" shelf) and Lyndsay Sands.

Faith Black has been beaten, drugged and imprisoned, but none of that scared her. No, what frightened her to the core was the man confined with her. Chained to an improvised medieval rack and bare form the waist up, he lay on his back, arms over his head, his incredible chest marred by bruises and a deep laceration that extended from his left pec to his right hip.
He might have been rendered immobile, but he was in no way helpless.
His weapon, far more dangerous than the telekinesis-to her, at least-was his overpowering sexuality, a force that tugged her toward him, made her burn with need despite their grave situation.
The opening sentence in SEDUCED BY THE STORM by Sydney Croft pulls me immediately into the book. A woman in a horrible situation, suffering, possibly helpless, definitely in danger.
How’s she going to get out of it? Wait a minute, she’s not worried about the danger she’s in, but the man chained to the rack opposite her? Is he the enemy? Hmm, she’s attracted to him. He’s trouble but not the sort I was expecting. What is it about him that makes her ignore a life threatening situation?
Gotta read on.

It was a high-pitched scream that woke Elvi. Piercing and full of terror, it ripped her from her sleep and had her moving before she was quite awake. She started up abruptly only to curse and drop back down when her head slammed into the wooden lid of the coffin. (THE ACCIDENTAL VAMPIRE by Lyndsay Sands)
Screaming victim – seen it, read it, it’s been done before in countless books. Someone responding to the victim – yep, also been done before. Head slamming into a coffin lid to rescue the victim – say what? Didn’t that grab you? Simple but effective twist on a ho-hum situation.

So, what makes an attention grabbing beginning?

• Creating lots of questions in the readers mind that need to be answered.
• Try using dialogue to open your scene– it’s active and immediately draws the reader in
• Sentence structure – short and sharp, use of alliteration etc. (I’m no grammar guru but you can see from some of the examples what to look for when analysing your own work)
• Empathy with the character – make the reader be able to recognise or relate to them in some way
• Take a familiar situation and give it a twist

My advice - get your own keepers off the shelf, read the opening paragraphs and analyse the tools they’ve used to hook the reader. Then try out those tools with your own writing.

Give it a go and reel in those readers hook, line and sinker!

CRAFT: Attention Grabbing Beginnings (Part 3)

I really enjoyed picking out paragraphs for this series of posts. It took me some time to wade through my shelves and decide which openings grabbed my attention but it was fun.

This week sentence structure played a big part in why I chose these two books as great beginnings. See what you think...

The next scene, from Nina Bang’s A TASTE OF DARKNESS, starts from the hero’s point of view.
Werewolves-furry pains in the butt.
Werecats-sneaky, whisker-twitching manipulators.
Werejerks-every freakin’ loser with a were in front of its name.
Reinn hated them all. But most of all Reinn hated his job. Guardian of the Blood. What a crock.
He’d been a warrior in some form or another for most of his thousand years of existence. When he’d finally decided to walk away from that life, he’d bought a house and property in the Colorado Rockies, and then settled down to be alone. That was it. He. Wanted. To. Be. Alone. No friends, no emotional chains, no vulnerabilities.
Yeah, he was one cold bastard. But he was one cold bastard who was still alive.
Phew, that’s one dark, tortured hero. More questions? No answers? Oh, didn’t that happen in the last scene we read?
Take another look at the passage. Reread the first three lines. Do you detect a staccato rhythm in the descriptive phrases? Like the internal ravings of someone angry at the world. Hmm, emotional overtones.
Also note the broken structure of the sentence towards the end – He. Wanted. To. Be. Alone. Attention grabbing? You betcha. Effective. Yep.
And what about this? No friends, no emotional chains, no vulnerabilities. More strong emotion that creates a need to find out why. You’ve got to read on to find out more.

“The King must die.”
Four single-syllable words. One by one they were nothing special. Put together? They called up all kinds of bad shit: Murder. Betrayal. Treason.
Death.
I’m a huge fan of J.R.Ward but even if I hadn’t been, this opening scene from LOVER AVENGED just grabbed me and I was skimming the words as quickly as I could to find out who, why, where and what the heck was going on.
Very sharp, short sentences. Each word carefully chosen for maximum impact. Tension and excitement. The last four one-word sentence just go from icckk, to uh-oh, gasp, and ewww. The mind is calculating scenarios and the eyes are racing down the page wanting to read more. Know more.
The illiteration of the ‘s’-sound in the first sentence is great – single syllable words. And the character has attitude – look at the phrasing of the fourth sentence – They called up all kinds of bad shit… Pretty powerful for a such a short opening scene.

Last post for this series next week!

CRAFT: Attention Grabbing Beginnings (Part 2)

How have you gone reading some of your "keepers" and looking at their opening few paragraphs? Did you analyse what made them appealing? Was it the author's voice? Did they open with riveting dialogue or a fantastic action scene or something usual with an unusual twist?

Here are two more of my favourite openings...

Not many people can handle the pain of being ripped apart, of having your limbs twisted and morphed until you are convinced your mind will shatter into a thousand tiny shards.
I can. And I’m tired of hiding my true nature so that humans can sleep better at night, convinced their actually in control of this tiny blue-brown planet. They need to know the truth-they need to realize that they’re not at the top of the food chain.
Far from it.
An unknown character’s point of view begins this scene in RED by Jordan Summers. The subject matter certainly grabs your attention in the first eleven words, doesn’t it? The second half of the sentence just makes you wince and wonder who this character is. Surely it can’t be the hero or heroine?
The ominous overtones deepen in the second paragraph. Why is this character tired of hiding his/her true nature? Why are they hiding anyway? Is this a world that doesn’t tolerate non-humans? Why do they feel the need to show humans they’re not at the top of the food chain? What did they do to the character to provoke him/her out of hiding?
Hey, more questions and a need to read on to find out the answers.

In SHADOW TOUCH by Marjorie M.Lui we meet our heroine in a strange situation.
Shortly before being shot in the back with a tranquilizer dart and dumped half-dazed on a stretcher, right before being stolen from the hospital by silent men in white coats, Elena Baxter stood at the end of a dying child’s bed, her hand on a small bare foot, and attempted to perform a miracle.
She was good at miracles. She had been practicing them for her entire life, and at twenty-eight years of age, had become quite proficient at the art of doing strange and wonderful things.
I don’t know about you but my mind immediately said, “Hey, what?” when I read the part about being tranquilized and kidnapped. I just had to read on to find out why someone would do that.
Then I discover our heroine is a woman I can like – she’s at a hospital helping a child she doesn’t even know, risking exposure to use her supernatural ability to heal the child. How can we not care for her and worry when we discover she’s been harmed?
What do I do? Read on.

I'll post another in this series next week. Stay tuned! :-)

CRAFT: Attention Grabbing Beginnings

As writers we hear about hooking your reader from the very first sentence. But what makes for a compelling read? What makes the beginning of a book a good one?
Is there a trick or particular secret to writing an attention-grabbing opening?
I’ve picked several opening scenes from books on my keeper shelf and, in the next few posts, I’d like to share what drew me in to each of them.
Let’s start with the opening scene from NIGHT PLAY by Sherrilyn Kenyon.
“I’m so sorry, Vane. I didn’t mean to get us killed like this.”
Vane Kattalakis ground his teeth as he fell back from trying to pull himself up. His arms ached from the strain of lifting two hundred pounds of lean muscle up by nothing more than the bones of his wrists. Every time he got close to raising his body up to the limb over his head, his brother started talking, which broke his concentration and caused him to fall back into his dangling position.
“Don’t worry, Fang. I’ll get us out of this.”
Somehow.
He hoped.
Wow. The hero in trouble from the outset; a life or death situation; edge of the seat stuff. And it began with a provocative line of dialogue. Active, immediate, tense, suspenseful.
What else happened when you read this? Did any questions spring to mind? They’re about to be killed? Why and by whom? Vane and Fang are certainly suffering. Why protract their deaths? Could it be for revenge? And why does Vane feel it’s his responsibility to get him and brother out of trouble? How’s he going to get them out of this situation? What’s going to happen next?
The tense situation compels you to read on and combines with the need for answers to these questions.

They were created, not born. They were trained, not raised. They weren’t meant to be free, to laugh, to play or to love. They were men and women whose souls had been forged in the fires of hell.
This brief excerpt comes from MEGAN’S MARK by Lora Leigh. The emotion that grabbed me from the start? Anticipation.
Look at the words used by the author that builds expectation and excitement from the first sentence – created, not born; trained, not raised; weren’t meant; souls; forged; fires of hell. Powerful, emotive words.
The structure of the sentences is also clever. Lora could have written – They weren’t born but created in a lab. Pretty boring statement. It’s much stronger flipping the words around - They were created, not born. That effect continues in the next sentence - They weren’t meant to be free, to laugh, to play or to love. She tells you what they weren’t meant to do rather than what they did do.
It made me want to know more – so, yep, I turned the page.

So, what captures your attention when you read a book? Post one of your favourite openings and let me know what worked for you.

I'll share some more of mine next week.

What are your favourite opening lines from a novel?

Over the next few posts I'm going to share some of my favourite opening paragraphs/sentences from a few books I have on my "keepers" bookshelf and look at why those beginnings grabbed my attention.
While I'm deciding which ones rate a mention (yes, there are THAT many), perhaps you'd like to share your favourite "grab you by the throat and won't let go" beginnings? Any genre, I don't mind.
What's prompting these postings? Having been a judge in a few contests, and having entered several myself ;-), I've come to realise just how important those opening few paragraphs are in hooking the readers attention.
Think about it - what do you do when you go into a bookstore and thumb through a potential buy? Unless you know the author and he/she is one of your favourites that you buy on name alone, how do you choose to spend your hard earned money? Is it based on the cover, the blurb or does the opening page or two become the deciding factor?
Share your opinion and your favourites - perhaps they might end up being one of mine. :-)