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Sunday, December 19, 2010

You know you're a paranormal author when...

You know you're a paranormal author when....

  • ...you can reel off the meanings of an acronyms such as DUF, F&F, UF, SF/F/P, HF, EF, PR, BPS, FU and varying combinations with alacrity
  • …you hear a strange sound and immediately reach for your backpack (which, incidentally, contains a wooden stake, holy water, a hand gun with silver bullets, a spell book for all occasions, a variety of amulets and lucky charms, an almanac of alternate realities, a handy pocket sized dictionary of demonic languages, a crystal ball with matching tarot cards and a ring of magic keys) and you head straight for the location you last heard it shouting, "Go ahead, make my day, hell-spawn!"
  • ...you think it's normal to open conversations about demons/vampires/shape-shifters/psi-powers in mixed company
  • ...you understand that “succubus/incubus” have plurals and that they’re “succubi/incubi”
  • …all the clothes you own are variations in the color black
  • ...you've made weapons out of your garden implements...just in case, because the next door neighbour's kid gives new meaning to the word holy terror
  • …when you hear the words “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica, in nomine et virtute Domini Nostri Jesu + Christi…” and realize you aren’t at a baptism or partaking in Holy Communion
  • ...you realize the danger of shouting the expletive phrase “Suck me!” in a nightclub with people with pallid skin and who claim pointed canine teeth are the latest “vamp” trend
  • …the newest release of Keri Arthur/Laurell K.Hamilton/Sherrilyn Kenyon/(insert other fav.author) excites you more than sex does
  • ...you wear steel-capped boots, a long leather jacket, and an array of hidden weapons on your person when you step outside your house
  • ...the saying “his/her eyes turned red” can hold so many different meanings (not all of them good)
  • …your significant other plays the opening tunes to Star Trek/The Twilight Zone/Blood Ties/(insert other favourite program here) just to get your attention
  • ...you believe it makes perfect sense to decorate you house with necklaces of garlic, hang mirrors in every room, install fonts of holy water at every entrance, and burn twists of sacred herbs 24/7
  • ...the phrase “TRUST NO ONE” isn’t just an X-Files quote
  • …the word “World Con” has you salivating in 3 seconds flat
  • …an earthquake shakes your house and you dive for cover shouting, "Take cover! The Hellmouth is opening, the Hordes of Baccus begin the Reclamation!" and everyone else looks at you as if you’ve gone mad
  • …you understand exactly what the phrase ‘seduced by an succubus’ means and that it may be less alluring than it sounds
  • ...you find yourself translating magazine articles in waiting rooms (out loud) in fluently Elvish, Pernese or Ancient Runic script just to pass the time
  • …you think it’s normal to name your child Buffy, Angel, Acheron, Wrath, Sookie or after various pantheon deities

You know you're a paranormal author when...you immediately send this list to other paranormal authors, here and overseas, realizing that only they will understand!

13 comments:

  1. Haha awesome list!!!!

    I wonder what people would think if I name my firstborn son Wrath! ;-)

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  2. Hey, Meghan, I'd never bat an eyelid at that name - cool name! But, well, others might ... VBG

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  3. Kylie, this is normal though, right??? (G)

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  4. It is for us, Mel! There's nothing wrong with exhibiting some (or all) of the signs. Paranormals unite! (Another VBG)

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  5. LOL... I love the post Kylie, had me smiling ear to ear... Although I write mostly historical, I found an affinity with a lot of what you said, because I LOVE reading (DUF, F&F, UF, SF/F/P, HF, EF, PR, BPS, FU S/F,) many of these genres. :))
    I too know what you mean when you open/come in on a coversation and prattle on about vamoires, lost worlds and things that go bump in the night and people look at you funny.

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  6. Hahaha...very good, lots of giggles:)
    and very true V""V

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  7. Pass the link on to others if you like it, ladies! LOL

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  8. Kylie - I resemble those remarks! LOL! Oh yes, the inner world of a paranormal lover - some much richer than the run of the mill...

    Be joyous this Solstice - dance naked somewhere!!

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  9. Hi Keely! Full moon is coming, sounds like a plan!

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  10. I thought I heard some peculiar noises coming from your place. I'm locking up everything securely tonight.
    Signed
    Concerned poet from across the road

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  11. Concerned poet across the road,

    I run "How to Defend Yourself Against the Unknown..." courses once a month (full moon actually), if you'd like to sign up! *grin*

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